


Sungbook-Gu Kids

by stantvxq



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Gangs, M/M, half of ikon as minor characters, there's violence but i don't think its graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:21:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7837411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stantvxq/pseuds/stantvxq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting attached is dangerous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. .01

**Author's Note:**

> short chapters!! also the title comes from a jeebanoff song

[rewind]

 

It all starts on a train.

It’s two in the morning and it’s raining, clouds covering the half moon. Seungyoon runs down the steps of the subway station, drenched with sweat and rain. His gun is warm where it presses into his spine, concealed in the waistband of his jeans. In less than five minutes, police will find a body, dead from a gunshot to the heart. They’ll find no bullet, no casings, and no evidence that Seungyoon was ever there.

The victim’s wallet will be there, emptied of all money, flipped open to show the driver’s license.

In less than five minutes, when the police find the body, Seungyoon will be on the train, probably with one or two others who are just as dangerous as he. They won’t look at each other, they won’t start a conversation. He won’t mind.

 

But, it all starts on a train.

The automated voice announces the arrival of the train, tells him to stay behind the yellow line, tells him to wait until the train has come to a complete stop before boarding.

He waits, boards the train once the doors open, and sees two people who look exactly like him. The man on his left is fiddling with a knife in his pocket. The man on his right has a tattoo on his neck, inconspicuous enough to the untrained eye, but Seungyoon knows it. Has seen it up close one too many times.

The boy behind him, however, is new. Innocent.

Seungyoon takes a seat at the back of the train car, hoping to keep an eye on the others, just as he knows they are doing to him.

The boy, the one who had been behind him, sits across the aisle from him. He looks young, Seungyoon thinks, but he’s probably around the same age.

The boy pulls a backpack into his lap, shuffling through it for a moment before sighing, whispering,  _ “Fuck,” _ and zipping his backpack closed.

The man with the tattoo is playing with the safety on a gun hidden in his large coat pockets.

The man with the knife is putting earbuds in and going to sleep. Seungyoon thinks he might be homeless, and feels bad for a moment, before he remembers that he is also homeless.

The boy beside him turns to him and says, “Wow, it sure is quiet on this train,” with a large smile. Seungyoon hasn’t smiled like that in a long time.

He says, “It’s two in the morning.” His voice is flat, no emotion.

The boy laughs quietly, “I guess you’re right. I’ve never been on a train this late before, I don’t know what I expected.”

Seungyoon doesn’t know why the boy is still talking to him. This isn’t going to plan. He’s supposed to keep a low profile.

He says, “Yeah. It’s always like this.”

“Do you ride the train at these times often?”

Seungyoon doesn’t reply.

The boy waits a moment before continuing, “I guess it’s none of my business. I’m Taehyun, by the way. Nam Taehyun.”

“Hi,” Seungyoon replies. He doesn’t want to say his name, doesn’t want to attract the attention of the man with the tattoo. Just talking to this boy - to Taehyun - is more than he wanted.

Taehyun, seemingly let down by Seungyoon’s uninterested replies, says nothing more. Seungyoon once again looks at the man with the knife, who is still asleep, and the man with the tattoo. The man with the tattoo is watching him intently, and Seungyoon doesn’t like how it makes him feel, deep in his gut.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Taehyun look at the man with the tattoo, too. He whispers, “That guy is looking at you, like, really weird. Do you know him, or something?”

“Shut the fuck up, Taehyun,” Seungyoon says under his breath, “You’re making it worse.”

The train stops, opens its doors, and closes them a moment later. Nobody new steps on the train, not that Seungyoon thought anybody would. Nobody steps off the train either, not that Seungyoon thought anybody would.

Taehyun whispers, “What do you mean I’m making it worse? What am I doing?”

Tattoo Guy focuses his gaze on Taehyun now, a small smile crossing his face. It makes Seungyoon want to vomit.

“Why is he looking at me?” Taehyun asks, voice wavering. Seungyoon tears his gaze away from Tattoo Guy to look at Taehyun, who is trying to hide the fear on his face. It doesn’t work. Seungyoon feels bad for him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Tattoo Guy get out of his seat and make his way toward the two of them. He whispers,  _ “Fuck,” _ and then, “Okay, Taehyun, don’t fucking say anything.”

Tattoo Guy stops a couple feet away from them, focuses on Seungyoon, and says, “Crazy weather, hey? The rain is absolutely pouring, or at least it was when I was last outside.”

Seungyoon hears the safety of the man’s gun click off inside his pocket, and stands up slowly, stepping into the aisle.

“Sure is,” he says, “We haven’t had a good downpour like this in a while.” He kicks Taehyun’s ankle, hoping the boy gets the message and moves to the next seat. He doesn’t.

Tattoo Guy looks at Taehyun and says, “So, who’s this? I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Seungyoon speaks before Taehyun can, “He’s nobody. Just met him today.”

Tattoo Guy laughs, “I’m not sure if I believe that.”

Seungyoon sees him slowly pulling his hand out of his pocket, sees the barrel of the gun press along the pocket fabric. “I wouldn’t do that, if I were you,” he warns, “There’s cameras everywhere.”

“Those cameras haven’t worked since 2005,” Tattoo Guy drawls, pointing the gun at Taehyun. “I have to take care of potential trouble before it escalates, you know how it is.”

Seungyoon watches Tattoo Guy’s grip tighten around the handle of the gun, “Don’t,” he warns.

Tattoo Guy laughs, and Seungyoon watches as his finger moves to the trigger.

Time moves in slow motion after that, like it always does. Tattoo Guy pulls the trigger. Seungyoon steps to the side, body just barely covering Taehyun. The bullet hits him in the shoulder.

Taehyun screams.

“What are you screaming for?” Seungyoon grits out, pressing a hand to his shoulder to try and slow the bleeding, “You didn’t even get hit.”

Tattoo Guy laughs again, too calm for Seungyoon’s tastes, and says, “I thought you said he’s nobody.”

The homeless man with the knife is awake now, watching the exchange, but doing nothing to help. Seungyoon is glad.

“He  _ is _ nobody. But I’m not about to watch you shoot an innocent kid for no reason.”

Tattoo Guy shrugs, puts the safety back on, and drops the gun back in his pocket. “Whatever. I’ll just find him some time you’re not around.” He looks from Seungyoon to Taehyun, “See you soon, kid.”

Tattoo Guy walks back to his seat, and Seungyoon says, “Fuck.”

Taehyun’s voice wavers as he asks, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah” Seungyoon sits back down in his seat. “Listen. I don’t know - or care - where your stop is. Get off at the next one with me.”

Taehyun looks like he’s going to cry as he nods, and a moment later the robotic voice announces their approach to the next stop, so the two boys stand up and walk to the door.    The man with the knife is sleeping again, but Tattoo Guy watches them step off, a wicked grin on his face even as the doors close behind them and the train zips away.

Taehyun says, “We’re so far from the hospital, oh god, do you want me to call 911?”

“Fuck, no, I’ll be fine. How far is your place?”

“Uh, well, my stop was the next one. So it’s pretty close, maybe a couple blocks?”

“Good, good,” Seungyoon grits out, making his way to the stairs, “Lead the way, then.”

 

He’s sitting in Taehyun’s barely furnished one-room apartment, holding a piece of gauze to his shoulder as he tries to thread a sewing needle with one barely working hand.    Taehyun gazes with disgust at the bullet on his coffee table, the one that Seungyoon had dug out of his shoulder just moments before, and asks, “Are you sure I can’t take you to the hospital?”

Seungyoon sighs in frustration, dropping the needle, “Yes, I’m sure. Thread this needle for me.”

Taehyun huffs, “I don’t know if I should, considering the way you’re talking to me. You haven’t even told me your name! You could be a murderer, for all I know!”

Seungyoon, ignoring the last comment, says, “My name is Kang Seungyoon, can you please thread this needle for me? I really don’t want to bleed to death on your couch.”

Taehyun picks up the needle and thread, focusing on the tiny hole in the needle as he mumbles, “If it’s bad enough that you could bleed to death then you should let me take you to the hospital.”

“It’s a figure of speech,” Seungyoon replies, snatching the needle the moment Taehyun has it threaded and piercing it into his skin. “Do you have anything alcoholic?”

Taehyun sighs as he makes his way to the kitchen, saying, “He almost gets me shot, then demands I take him to my house, uses my gauze, uses my good thread and needle, and now he wants to drink all my Jack! Your mother didn’t teach you very good manners, Kang Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon sucks in a breath as he finishes the last stitch, tying off the thread and saying, “It’s to clean the wound, dipshit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taehyun says, waving a hand as he passes said bottle of Jack to Seungyoon. He takes a swig, pours some on his new stitches, and takes another before handing the bottle back to its owner, “Thanks.”

He tapes some fresh gauze over top, and stands up to leave, but is quickly pushed back down by Taehyun.

“No way,” he says, “If you won’t let me take you to the hospital, you’re at  _ least _ going to stay here overnight so I know you won’t die in your sleep.”

“I literally won’t,” Seungyoon replies, though he knows it will get him nowhere.

“I don’t care! You got shot because of me, so I’m taking care of you tonight, and that’s final.”

Seungyoon sighs. “Fuckin,” he lays down on the couch, “Whatever.”

Taehyun, seemingly satisfied, sits down on the only other piece of furniture in the apartment: his bed, across the room.

“So,” he says, “Kang Seungyoon. How many times have you been shot?”

Seungyoon rubs his eyes as he replies, “Why does it matter? I dunno. I don’t wanna talk about this, I’m going to sleep. ‘Night.” With this, he turns around so he is facing the back of the couch, and pretends not to hear Taehyun calling him an asshole.

 

[play]


	2. .02

[rewind]

 

When Seungyoon wakes up, Taehyun is still asleep.

He stands up quietly, walking to the kitchen and stealing a pear off the counter. He finds an old receipt and a pen, and uses it to thank Taehyun for helping him the night prior and, after a moment, leaves his number. He writes,  _ ‘if the guy on the train bothers you, call me’, _ and leaves before Taehyun can wake up. (He also steals three dollars from Taehyun’s wallet so he can buy a cup of coffee. He hopes the boy doesn’t notice).

 

As soon as he returns to his pseudo-home, Jinwoo slaps him in the face.

“What the fuck?” He asks, feeling his cheek turn red from the force of Jinwoo’s hand.

Jinwoo voice is angry as he says, “Where the  _ fuck _ were you? We thought the cops got you, or you were lying dead in a ditch or some shit!”

“It’s a long story,” Seungyoon sighs, rubbing his cheek as he walks further into the building. It’s a single room, plus a bathroom, with no windows and crumbling, bare drywall. Two mattresses lie on the floor, both covered only with a couple thin quilts. There’s a sink, counter, cupboards and a fridge in one corner, making a kitchen that is finished with a shitty table. A couch sits on the opposite wall from the mattresses, foam puffing out from the mismatched cushions.

“We’ve got time,” Minho says, stepping out of their dimly lit bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. Foam drips down his chin and he curses, turning back into the bathroom and rinsing out his mouth.

Seungyoon runs his fingers through his hair as he drops down on one of the mattresses, massaging his shoulder. “Someone from Jiwon’s crew - I don’t know who it was, must have been a new recruit - fuckin shot me on the subway.”

Jinwoo kicks his shin and he moves it, making room for the older boy to sit. “Well why the hell did he do that?”

“He wasn’t aiming for me,” Seungyoon explains, “There was some random kid who wouldn’t shut the fuck up, and Jiwon’s goon thought he was with me.”

Minho asks, “Why didn’t you let him shoot the kid?”

“Fuck you,” Seungyoon replies, “I’m not heartless. He was like 19, he didn’t know he was doing anything wrong.”

“Let’s please not argue,” Jinwoo says with a voice full of authority, “That doesn’t explain why you didn’t come home.”

Seungyoon sighs again, laying down on the bed and explaining, “I went to his house to sew up my shoulder and he wouldn’t let me leave.”

“Should’ve just let him die,” Minho mutters.

“Shut the fuck up, Minho,” Jinwoo says with a glare. He turns to Seungyoon and says, “Lemme see your shoulder.”

“It’s fine,” Seungyoon grumbles, but takes his jacket off anyway, pulling the collar of his shirt to the side and ripping off the gauze to show Jinwoo his stitches.

Jinwoo presses his fingers into it and asks, “Does it hurt?”

Seungyoon slaps his fingers away, saying, “Of course it fucking hurts. But enough about me. Don’t you guys have shit to do?”

“I don’t,” Minho says, “But I’m leaving anyway. Later.”

“Don’t shoot anyone!” Jinwoo calls.

Minho laughs, “Only if they deserve it,” he replies, stepping out into the street and closing the door quietly behind himself.

Jinwoo stands up from where he was sitting on the bed, finally allowing Seungyoon to stretch his legs out. He mutters, “Fucker...” and then turns to Seungyoon, saying, “I’m going out to get groceries. You rest, or something. Is there anything you want?”

“I got plenty of rest at that kid’s house,” Seungyoon replies, “And get a different brand of coffee. The stuff you bought last time tastes like shit.”

“I just bought what’s cheapest.”

“It’s the cheapest ‘cause it tastes like garbage.”

Jinwoo sighs, “Whatever. Just don’t leave the house, okay?”

“What if the cops come?” Seungyoon challenges, cheeky grin on his face.

Jinwoo hits him lightly on the head, “I should let them arrest you for being a smart ass.”

Seungyoon laughs, “Okay,  _ mom _ , I’ll be good. Just go.”

Jinwoo nods once, grabs his wallet off the shelf next to the door, and slips it in his back pocket as he pulls his shoes on. “I’ll only be an hour or two,” he says before exiting their home, leaving Seungyoon alone.

 

Seungyoon waits a few minutes and, once he’s sure nobody will return, he makes his way to the bathroom.

He takes in his reflection, all disheveled hair and blood splatter on his cheek, and scoffs at himself, moving his gaze down to the sink. He brushes his teeth quickly, ridding himself of the taste of coffee on his tongue, and then rummages in the cabinet under the sink to find rubbing alcohol.

He pours a bit of the alcohol onto a cotton ball and presses it lightly to his stitches, hissing at the sting.

He swears when he hears his phone vibrating while he’s replacing the gauze, and walks back to the mattress he had been sitting on 10 minutes before, dropping down to lay on it as he feels around for his phone.

When he finds it, he discovers he has a text message from an unknown number, reading:  _ Did u steal $3 from me? _

He saves the number in his phone as  _ Taehyun from the train _ , and replies,  _ i told u to only call me if tht fucker from the train bugged u. _

He presses send, and then types  _ also yes i wanted coffee. _

A moment later, he gets another text from Taehyun, which says  _ I want to be ur friend, u interest me. _

Seungyoon laughs at that, replies,  _ thts too fuckin bad, _ and ignores it when Taehyun calls him.

He does, however, listen to the voicemail that Taehyun leaves.

__ _ “Hey, Seungyoon. I also noticed you ate a pear, which is fine, I don’t even like pears that much. Anyway, stop ignoring me. I heard in class that there was a dead body found last night, do you think it was the guy from the train?”   _ \- At this, Seungyoon’s stomach lurches. He doesn’t like the feeling of lying to Taehyun, though he doesn’t know why -  _ “I think it probably was. That’s so scary, did you know who that guy was? I guess it doesn’t matter; I’m still at school so I doubt he would attack me on campus, right? Ah, sorry, I’m rambling. I’ve gotta go to class now, but text me, okay? I was serious about wanting to be friends, you seem nice, nobody has ever taken a bullet for me before. Okay, bye, text me!” _

 

Seungyoon doesn’t mean to text Taehyun, doesn’t even want to, but half an hour later he finds himself typing,  _ hey wanna meet my friends _ .

He presses send, says, “Shit,” and waits.

Less than a minute later, Taehyun’s reply comes in:  _ Sure!! Tell me a time and address and I’ll be there :-) _ .

Seungyoon doesn’t reply for a while, his tummy feels funny and he doesn’t know why. It’s the same feeling he had when he killed someone for the first time, except he’s not killing anyone and that feeling stopped after the fourth person, anyway. He doesn’t know what it is, or why he’s feeling it, and it only gets worse as he dials Jinwoo.

“Please tell me you didn’t think of something you want,” Jinwoo says as a greeting, “Because I  _ just _ left the store.”

“I - no, it’s not that. I just, God, I accidentally invited the kid from the train to meet you and Minho, and he’s so excited that I can’t cancel now, God, I think he thinks I’m some knight in shining armour, hyung.  _ He doesn’t know I kill people-” _

“Shut the fuck up, Seungyoon,” Jinwoo cuts him off. Seungyoon does.

“Okay, so, what we’re gonna do is meet him. Like it’s just that simple, Seungyoon, you’re overthinking it. And then, you’re gonna say, ‘hey, sorry, I don’t think we can be friends,’ and he’ll never have to know about your day job.”

“But...I want to be his friend,” Seungyoon replies meekly.

Jinwoo sighs, “Well then be his fucking friend, Seungyoon, I don’t care. Just don’t come crying to me when he winds up dead because he’s seen with you too much.”

With that, the line goes dead.

 

He texts Minho, a simple message that says,  _ hey come home _ , and grabs a banana off their wobbly dinner table. One of the legs is two centimeters shorter than the others, but nobody bothers to fix it, because the only thing it’s used for is holding bananas and switchblades.

Peeling the banana, he sits on the yellow cushion on the right side of the couch. It’s got the least foam poking out of it, so it’s his favourite.

Inside his head, he can hear Jinwoo’s voice reprimanding him for stress-eating, but he doesn’t give a shit. Bananas are healthy, and the only other thing he’s eaten today is that fucking pear he stole from fucking Taehyun’s fucking apartment.

He takes another bite of his banana.

 

The front door opens suddenly, and Seungyoon almost drops his banana.

Breathlessly, Minho asks, “Is something wrong? Why was I supposed to come home? What’s the problem?”

Seungyoon sighs, “The problem is that you almost made me drop my banana.”

Minho glares. “You told me to come home.”

“I did need you to come home. I didn’t need you to  _ rush _ home, just  _ come _ home. Jinwoo probably won’t be here for another ten minutes, anyway.”

Minho slumps his shoulders, walking to the couch and sitting on the blue cushion next to Seungyoon’s yellow one, stealing his banana and finishing it in one bite.

“That’s fucking disgusting,” Seungyoon says, “Where is your gag reflex?”

Minho replies only with a wink, before he throws the banana peel in the direction of the garbage can. He misses, as Seungyoon thought he would, and he curses.

“You throw it out,” Minho says, “It was your banana.”

“Fuck you,” Seungyoon replies, but he does as he’s told. He always does what Minho asks. If he’s honest, even though they’re all friends, Seungyoon is a little scared of Minho. Minho has always been a great shot.

 

[play]


	3. .03

[rewind]

      Once Jinwoo gets home, they agree to meet Taehyun at a small, hole-in-the-wall café a few blocks away from their home. It’s right on the train line, and Seungyoon tells Taehyun this in his text, along with  _ sry for the late reply i had to ask my friends n stuff but nobody was answering me _ . It’s a lie, but Taehyun doesn’t need to know that.

      Taehyun, cheerful as ever, replies with,  _ No problem! See u in an hr!!  _ And the bad feeling settles back in Seungyoon’s tummy.

      He eats a piece of bread with jam, and Jinwoo yells at him for stress eating. Seungyoon ignores him.

 

      Minho, standing in front of their small wardrobe, in between the mattresses, asks, “Do I have to dress up for this? Why are we even doing this?”

      “You don’t have to dress up,” Seungyoon replies, “He - well, I don’t think he’ll care. He saw me get shot, so you know.”

      “Okay. So why are we doing this?”

      “We’re doing this because this is Seungyoon’s new friend, and we are good friends, and we want to meet his friend,” Jinwoo supplies.

      Minho looks toward Seungyoon, raising an eyebrow.

      “I dunno. I panicked, I guess,” Seungyoon says quietly, “It’s too late to take it back. I don’t even know why you’re getting changed, I think what you’re wearing now is good enough.”

      Minho laughs, “Fuck you. There’s blood on it, dumbass.”

      “Whatever,” Seungyoon mumbles, and watches as Minho replaces his (bloodstained) Seoul University t-shirt with a clean Harvard University t-shirt. “Where do you even get these uni shirts. You dropped out of high school. You’ve never even been to America.”

      “It doesn’t matter,” Minho says, “Are we going?”

      “Yes,” Jinwoo replies, pulling a puffy jacket on, “It’s raining again, so put your coats on.”

      Seungyoon does as he’s told, and Minho does too. Seungyoon watches as Minho tries to secure a shotgun into his waistband, but Jinwoo stops him.

      “No guns. We’re going to a coffee shop, for God’s sake. This is Seungyoon’s innocent student friend.”

      Minho glares, “Fine, fine,” he says. “You guys go, I’ll lock up.”

      Seungyoon sees Minho slip a switchblade into his jacket pocket, but says nothing.

 

      They walk the 15 minutes to the café, and Seungyoon sees that Taehyun is already there, sitting at a table next to the window. He says, “Order for me, you guys know what I like,” and walks to the table Taehyun is sitting at.

      He sits next to Taehyun, and says, “Hey.”

      Taehyun says, “Hi, you forgot something at my apartment.”

      Seungyoon raises an eyebrow, “Oh? What did I forget?”

      “Hold your hand out,” Taehyun instructs, and Seungyoon does as he’s asked. He’s very good at listening to directions, he’s discovered.

      Taehyun reaches into his pocket, and drops a single, bloodied bullet into Seungyoon’s palm.

      “Jesus,” Seungyoon says, tucking the bullet into his own pocket.

      “I was gonna take it to the cops,” Taehyun explains, “See if they could, I dunno, trace it or something. But I decided that’s not a good way to make you be my friend, so I didn’t.”

      “Didn’t what?” Jinwoo asks suddenly, setting a steaming cup in front of Seungyoon.

      “It’s nothing,” Seungyoon says. He waits until Jinwoo and Minho have both taken a seat before he introduces them.

      He points to Jinwoo first, “This is Kim Jinwoo,” he says to Taehyun. “He thinks he is my mother. He also thinks he deserves to know everything. You should probably call him hyung.”

      Jinwoo glares at Seungyoon, but doesn’t argue. Taehyun mumbles, “Hello, hyungnim.”

      “Just hyung is fine,” Jinwoo replies with an easy smile. Taehyun nods.

      Seungyoon points to Minho now, “This is Song Minho. He...uh. I dunno. He ate half a banana in one bite today, that was fucked up. You should call him hyung too.”

      Taehyun, hiding a laugh behind his hand, says, “Hello, Minho-hyung.”

      Seungyoon points to Taehyun, “This is. Um. Taehyun. He screamed when I got shot this morning even though he wasn’t even hurt.”

      Minho laughs at this, and extends a hand. Taehyun shakes it and says, “My name is Nam Taehyun. And, I did scream, but in my defense, I didn’t think Seungyoon was going to do that. I thought I was going to be shot in the head.”

      Taehyun shakes Jinwoo’s hand now, and Jinwoo says, “Minho said he should have just let you get shot.”

      Seungyoon punches Jinwoo in the shoulder, “That’s not something you just say to people, Jinwoo, what the fuck?”

      “Sorry,” Jinwoo replies, glancing apologetically at Taehyun.

      “It’s fine,” Taehyun says with a smile, “I hope I can change your mind.”

 

      They don’t leave until Seungyoon notices the barista giving them funny looks, no doubt having overheard Minho telling a story about how he “knew a guy in high school, real funny dude, always cracking jokes and shit”, a story which ended with “too bad he’s with Jiwon’s guys now.”

      Seungyoon, desperate to get away from the nosey barista, says, “Wow! Look at the time! 5:30 already, and I promised my mom I’d call her at 6. We should probably get going!”

      Taehyun says, “Okay, that’s fine. I always forget to call my mom, I should probably do that too.” He stands, up, pushing his chair in and picking up his empty coffee cup. “It was nice meeting you two,” he says, “Seungyoon, I’ll text you, okay? Don’t ignore me.”

      Seungyoon nods, says, “I promise I won’t,” and waves goodbye.

      Once Taehyun is gone, down the street and out of sight in the Seoul crowd, Jinwoo says, “Uhh, what the fuck? Your mom is dead.”

      Seungyoon glares, “I know that, obviously. I’ll explain outside. Let’s just go.”

      Jinwoo sighs, nods, and ushers for Minho and Seungyoon to follow him out the coffee shop. They begin the short walk back to their home, and Jinwoo says, “So what is it.”

      “The barista was looking at us funny and I didn’t like it.”

      Jinwoo nods, and nobody says anything else the rest of the way home.

 

      Two days later, Seungyoon still hasn’t gotten a text from Taehyun.

      He doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t know what it is, but the bad feeling in his tummy is back.

      He hates it.

      He pulls his phone out of his pocket, spends five minutes staring at the screen, and then types,  _ hey r u still alive? _

      He turns the screen off immediately, standing up from his mattress and grabbing a nectarine from the fridge. He sits on his favourite yellow cushion, takes a bite of his nectarine, and almost chokes when his phone vibrates in his back pocket.

      Taehyun texted him back.

_ Yeah lol I just wanted to see how long it would take before u got worried :-p. _

      Seungyoon glares at the screen, not that Taehyun would know, and types back,  _ fuck u im not worried i just thought the train guy got u or smth tht would fuckin suck did u even call ur mum? u would be dead n she wouldnt even know. _

      His phone buzzes again, with a phone call this time, Taehyun’s name bright on the screen.

      He picks it up, saying, “What the hell.”

      Taehyun is laughing as he says, “What you described to me is literally just you worrying. I didn’t know you cared, Seungyoon! How sweet!”

      “Fuck you,” he replies, but there’s no bite, “Why did you call me? You could’ve just said that in a text.”

      He tries to quietly take a bite of his nectarine. He thinks it works, and if it didn’t, Taehyun doesn’t mention it.

      Instead, Taehyun says, “I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out again.”

      “You also could have said that over text,” Seungyoon counters.

      “Shut up. Do you?”

      Seungyoon takes another bite of his nectarine and shrugs, and then, realizing Taehyun can’t see him, forces himself to swallow his half-chewed bite of nectarine before replying, “Sure, why not. You choose where this time.”

      Taehyun’s quiet for a moment before he says, “Wanna meet me at school after class tomorrow and we can decide there?”

      “Uh. Sure.”

      “Cool,” Taehyun says, and Seungyoon can  _ hear _ the smile. “See you tomorrow then!”

Seungyoon nods, this time he knows Taehyun can’t see it but he does it anyway. “See you then.” 

      He hangs up before Taehyun can say anything more. 

      He never has liked phone calls that much.

 

      When Seungyoon wakes up the next morning, he has a text from Taehyun, telling him the address of his school (Seungyoon knew it already, saw it on a piece of Taehyun’s mail when he was at his house. He doesn’t tell him this), and what time classes end.

      The bad feeling returns to his stomach, and he whispers,  _ “Fuck you,” _ digging his fist into his tummy. It doesn’t make it go away.

      He steals one of Minho’s cigarettes from off the wobbly table, and Minho’s pink lighter, and exits their home as quietly as he can. Jinwoo isn’t home anyway, and Minho could sleep through an atomic bomb, but Seungyoon is quiet just by habit. He likes quiet, he thinks, as he flicks the lighter to life.

      He doesn’t smoke often, hasn’t in awhile, so he coughs when he breathes in the first time.

      “Pussy,” Minho says behind him, and Seungyoon jumps.

      “I thought you were sleeping.”

      Minho laughs, “I was. And now I’m not. Hand me my lighter.” 

      Seungyoon does.

      Minho doesn’t say anything as he lights a cigarette of his own, and Seungyoon doesn’t mind the silence, so he thinks.

      He thinks about Taehyun; how Taehyun talks to him like he’s a regular guy, how Taehyun doesn’t press when Seungyoon obviously doesn’t want to talk about something, how Taehyun can easily fill an awkward silence. 

      He thinks about how Taehyun called him  _ interesting, _ and he thinks about how Taehyun was eager to meet his friends. 

      He thinks about Taehyun, and wonders how Taehyun went from  _ “that kid on the bus” _ to  _ “the kid who is constantly on my mind.” _

 

[play]


	4. .04

[rewind]

      Seungyoon and Taehyun begin to hang out every day, usually at a coffee shop or on Taehyun’s school campus. Sometimes, after Seungyoon or Minho has killed someone, a lowlife with an outstanding debt to Jinwoo, Taehyun will mention it. _“I hear someone else died,”_ he’d say. Seungyoon would feel his stomach drop, but he wouldn’t interrupt as Taehyun would continue, _“Do you think it was that guy from the train? Or someone he works with? It’s so scary…”_  Seungyoon would smile sadly, wrap an arm around Taehyun, and reply, _“Don’t worry. They won’t hurt you. I promise.”_

      He doesn’t like lying.

 

      Minho comes back early on a Tuesday morning, satisfied smirk on his face and a few drops of fresh blood on the corner of his shirt. Seungyoon says, “You should wash that.”

      Minho looks down at the blood, curses, and replies, “Thanks, man. You saved my ass.”

      Seungyoon nods. It was no big deal, he thinks, he always tells Minho when he notices. Minho scares him.

 

      As expected, Taehyun mentions it when they meet up that afternoon.

      Their day begins nice enough. They meet in a cafe, Taehyun with a steaming mocha and Seungyoon with an iced americano. He calls Taehyun a pussy who drinks shit coffee and Taehyun agrees. They both laugh. Seungyoon secretly wonders how he ever landed a friend like Taehyun. He thinks he might like Taehyun more than Jinwoo, which is saying a lot. He stops thinking.

      Taehyun takes a small sip of his mocha, and pulls away quickly. “I burnt my tongue,” he says with a pout. Seungyoon laughs at him.

      They sit in silence for a moment, but it’s not awkward. Taehyun is doing something on his phone, and Seungyoon is pretending to do something on his phone. He’s really just scrolling through his gallery, which has only four pictures.

      One of him and his mother, the day before she died.

      One of him, Jinwoo, and Minho. They’re smiling. He was young, here. He doesn’t like the picture, but he keeps it anyway. Seunghoon had taken it. He misses Seunghoon.

      The third picture is him and Taehyun. Taehyun is laughing at something Seungyoon had said, eyes crinkled and smile wide. Seungyoon loves this picture.

      He doesn’t get to the fourth picture, because Taehyun says, “There was another attempted murder last night.”

      Seungyoon’s head whips up. “Attempted?”

      Taehyun nods, “Yeah. The guy is in the hospital right now, I guess. The cops are gonna try to track the shooter, I think.”

      Seungyoon nods, tries to keep calm. He runs his hand through his hair. He’s really hungry.

      He says, “I’ll be right back,” and walks to the washroom.

      He locks the door behind him, walks to the furthest stall, and dials Minho.

      “You woke me up, fuckface,” Minho says as a greeting.

      Seungyoon takes a deep breath, “You fucked up.”

      “What are talking about?” Minho asks. Seungyoon can hear the flick of a lighter.

      “The guy from last night. He’s in the hospital,” he lowers his voice, “He’s fucking _alive.”_

      Minho curses, and curses again. He’s yelling. Seungyoon’s ear hurts. He hangs up, but he’s sure Minho doesn’t care.

      He walks out of the bathroom, to the cashier, and orders 2 donuts.

      He carries them back to the table, places one in front of Taehyun and takes a bite of the other. Taehyun says, “Thanks!”

      Seungyoon swallows his bite, and replies, “It was Minho.”

      He’s not supposed to tell anyone. He doesn’t want to tell Taehyun, never has wanted to, but he doesn’t like lying.

      Taehyun doesn’t understand. He says, “What? Is Minho-hyung here?”

      Seungyoon sighs. His tummy feels bad. He takes another bite of his donut.

      “No.” He looks at the table. He can’t look at Taehyun while he says it. “The guy. The one in the hospital. Minho put him there.” Taehyun doesn’t say anything. Seungyoon continues, “the guy who died on the night we met, I did that.”

      Seungyoon looks up. Taehyun is watching him.

      Taehyun says, “This isn’t a joke, is it?”

      Seungyoon shakes his head, “No.” He pauses. Taehyun doesn’t say anything, so he continues, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just -- I like being your friend. I didn’t want to ruin anything.”

      Taehyun asks, “How many times have you been shot?”

      Seungyoon is brought back to the night they met. A small, shy smile spreads on his face. “I lost count,” he says, “After twenty two.”

      “When was that?”

      “About a year ago.”

      Taehyun cracks a smile, “Can I see your cool scars?”

      Seungyoon nods, “Not right now, though. I can show you at your apartment or something.”

      “Of course, yeah,” Taehyun agrees. He takes the last sip of his mocha, “Let’s go. I wanna see them.”

 

      They’re on the train, heading to Taehyun’s apartment, when Taehyun says, “Is that why you said nobody would hurt me?”

      “Yeah.”

      “Is that also why you knew the guy on the train?”

      “It is,” Seungyoon says with a grin.

      “Who was that guy?”

      “Well,” Seungyoon begins, “I don’t know him personally. I don’t know his name, or anything. I just know his tattoo. Did you see it, the one on his neck?” He pauses, and when Taehyun nods, he continues, “That’s the tattoo that all guys who work under Jiwon have to get.”

      “Are Jiwon’s guys bad?”

      Seungyoon laughs, “We’re all bad, Taehyun. But, yeah. You could say that. They...they killed one of my friends. Seunghoon.”  
      “I’m sorry.”

      He nods. They don’t say anything for the rest of the ride.

 

      They’re sitting in Taehyun’s apartment. It’s a familiar feeling, although still different, because this time they’re both on the couch. And this time, Seungyoon isn’t bleeding. And this time, Taehyun knows that Seungyoon kills people sometimes.

      He’s pointing to a scar on his left hip. It’s nearly faded, two years old, but it’s still there. He says, “Minho gave this one to me.”

      Taehyun laughs and says, “Minho-hyung should be more careful with his gun!”

      Seungyoon shakes his head. “He did it on purpose,” he explains, “Minho is a great shot.”

      “Why would he do that?” Taehyun asks. He’s taking everything a lot better than Seungyoon had expected, which is good. It means he’s less likely to tell someone, less likely to get himself killed. Seungyoon thinks he doesn’t know what he would do if Taehyun died. He doesn’t want to imagine it.

      “Jinwoo told me they do it to everyone. As a welcome, hah.” It’s not funny.

      Taehyun points to a large scar that spreads from his bellybutton to his ribcage. “What’s this from?”

      Seungyoon smiles.

 

      When Seungyoon gets home, at 7:30 that night, Minho is gone.

      He looks at Jinwoo, saying nothing. Jinwoo knows what he’s asking anyway. Jinwoo knows him too well, can read his expressions easily. Seungyoon has gotten better at hiding things, but Jinwoo has gotten better at finding them.

      Jinwoo says, “It’s taken care of. The guy died of a ‘random’ heart attack at 3:45 this afternoon.” He puts the word _random_ in air quotes. Seungyoon nods.

      “I’m going to sleep for a while,” he says.

      He sleeps for a while.

 

      At exactly 3:45, he wakes up. Nobody is home.

      He calls Jinwoo. No answer

      He calls Minho. Again, no answer.

      At exactly 3:52, Seungyoon calls Taehyun.

      Taehyun doesn’t pick up, and Seungyoon doesn’t know why he expected him to. It’s not even four in the morning, and Taehyun has school.

      He walks to the nearest 24-hour store and buys a pack of smokes. The guy should id him, they both know he should, but he doesn’t. Seungyoon is glad, he hadn’t brought any id  with him because he doesn’t have any.

      On his walk home, Taehyun calls him.

      He doesn’t look at the caller id, but he knows it’s Taehyun because Jinwoo and Minho never return missed calls.

      “Hey.”

      “Why did you call me at 4 in the morning?” Taehyun asks. His voice is deep and scratchy and laced with sleep and Seungyoon doesn’t know what the feeling inside his chest is.

      Seungyoon says, “Sorry, I don’t know either. I woke up and I was bored. And, technically, it was 3:52, so...”

      “Oh, yes,” Taehyun laughs, “That makes it so much better.”

      Seungyoon laughs, too, “I don’t appreciate your sarcasm, Nam Taehyun.”

      “Fuck you.”

      “Wow! Harsh! Is this how most friends talk to each other? Or is it just the effect I have on people?”

      “I think it’s just you, sorry,” Taehyun says with a laugh. Seungyoon laughs too. He doesn’t know why his stomach is fluttering. It’s weird.

      Seungyoon says, “Because of you, I took a wrong turn on my way home. I’m all turned around. How does it feel, knowing you got me lost?”

      “It feels great,” Taehyun replies. Seungyoon can hear the smile. “Come over to mine. I’m up anyway. It’s your duty to keep me company since you woke me up in the first place.”

      Seungyoon nods, “I accept that. Keep talking to me, though, okay? I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

      Taehyun does as he’s asked, talking about a kid in his new human biology class who he _thinks_ has a wicked hickie on his neck, if the mismatched concealer is anything to go off. That makes Seungyoon laugh.

      He doesn’t know when he went from hating talking on the phone to finding comfort in it. Or, to be more exact, he doesn’t know when he began finding comfort in talking to _Taehyun_ on the phone. He still gets uncomfortable talking to Minho or Jinwoo on the phone. He doesn’t understand why Taehyun is an exception to so many things, why Taehyun makes him feel so many things, why Taehyun matters so much to him. (If he’s honest with himself, he does understand. He understands completely. He just doesn’t want to admit it. Because admitting it means accepting it and accepting it means getting attached and getting attached is dangerous. So he pretends he doesn’t know).

      Taehyun asks, “How far are you?”

      “Only a block or so, be patient will you?”

      There’s a loud sigh on the other line, and Taehyun says, “Fine, fine. Hurry up.”

      Seungyoon smiles, “I will, I s-.” He walks into another body. “Shit, sorry dude.”

      The person turns around. He has a tattoo on his neck, and a face Seungyoon could never forget. He smiles. Seungyoon’s stomach drops.

      “Not a problem!” Jiwon says.

      Seungyoon says, “I don’t wanna start trouble, ok, so I’m just gonna go.”

      Jiwon pouts exaggeratedly, “Trouble is fun though! What’s the rush, got somewhere to be? Someone to see?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

      “No,” he replies calmly, “Just walking around.”

      “You sure? I’ve heard around that you and that kid from the train are all buddy-buddy now. I thought he was nobody?”

      Seungyoon glares, “He is nobody. Whoever told you that must be mistaken. You should find better sources. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

      Jiwon steps to the side, allowing Seungyoon to pass. He says, “I’d say my sources are pretty trustworthy, but thanks for the advice. See you again, Seungyoon.”

      Seungyoon nods, waits until he’s out of earshot, and brings his phone back up to his ear.

      “God, I’m sorry about that.”

      Taehyun is quiet a moment, and then says, “You told him I’m nobody.” The sadness in Taehyun’s voice makes Seungyoon’s heart break.

      “I know, I know I did. I’m so, _so_ fucking sorry.”

      “Why did you say that?”

      Seungyoon sighs quietly. “It was Jiwon. Do you remember everything I told you about Jiwon?”

      “Yes.”

      “I didn’t want-. I. I couldn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to hurt you. Because he’d do it. He’s a fucking sadist, Taehyun. I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry. You’re not nobody.”

      “Okay. Alright, okay. Are you almost here?”

      Seungyoon nods, “I’m here now. Let me in.”

      Taehyun says, “Okay.” The door clicks open. “I’m hanging up now. Be fast.”

      He is.

      He doesn’t want to let Taehyun down again, so he’s fast.

 

[play]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea tht taehyun would find out seungyoon kills ppl for a living and would just be cool w it is so funny to me so i didnt change it lol


	5. .05

[rewind]

      Seungyoon wakes up at 10:48 in the morning on Taehyun’s couch. The other boy is gone, off to school, and all Seungyoon can think of is the night -- or, morning -- before.

      Memories fly around his head, choppy and unorganized but so vivid it feels like it’s happening again, right in front of his eyes.

      Taehyun’s hands on his abdomen, thumbs tracing scars that Seungyoon had explained to him just hours before, lips on his neck.

      Seungyoon saying,  _ “Fuck! No, no I can’t do it. I can’t get attached. It always ends badly.” _

      Seungyoon lightly pushing Taehyun off him, pupils blown and lips bruised.  _ “Let’s...let’s stop. For now, let’s stop.” _

      Taehyun opening the door to his apartment, sitting Seungyoon down, and saying  _ “I really, really like you, Seungyoon.” _

      Seungyoon asking,  _ “Can I please kiss you?” _

      He rubs his palms into his eyes, hard enough that he sees stars, but the memories won’t go away. 

      He stands up, curses, and writes a note that reads  _ ‘call me!’ _ before exiting Taehyun’s apartment.

 

      On his walk home, Seungyoon decides he can’t tell Jinwoo and Minho. They’re too paranoid, he tells himself, they would do something drastic. They would hurt Taehyun. It’s not worth it.

      If Jinwoo and Minho find out, it would only be so long before Jiwon found out.

      It’s not worth it.

 

      When he gets home, he drops the two almost-full packs of cigarettes on Minho’s sleeping chest. They boy doesn’t wake up, doesn’t even stir, but Seungyoon knows if he were awake, he’d say thanks. It’s good enough.

      Behind him, Jinwoo asks, “Where were you all night?”

      Seungyoon thinks Jinwoo had been trying to sneak up on him, trying to scare him, but it doesn’t matter. It didn’t work.

      He says, “I woke up at 4 and just went out, I dunno, I was nowhere.”

      “Okay.”

      Jinwoo leaves.

      His phone rings.

      The caller id says Taehyun, which is weird, because Taehyun should be in class. He never calls while he’s in class. Taehyun is a good student.

      He walks outside, answers the call and says, “Hello?”

      Jiwon’s voice replies. “And you said he was nobody.”

      If this were a drama, or a film or a novel or a high school play, Seungyoon would have dropped his phone on the ground. His mouth would be shaped like an o, and his phone would seem to fall in slow motion. The screen would crack. The call would continue, the seconds ticking and Taehyun’s name on the screen. Maybe Seungyoon would even cry.

      But it’s not. It’s real life, and Seungyoon doesn’t drop his phone. He doesn’t have a surprised face, or a surprised voice, or a racing heart. 

      He doesn’t cry.

      He says, “What the fuck are you doing.” It’s not a question. His voice is monotone. This is how he talks to Jiwon, or Jiwon’s goonies, or anyone who isn’t Taehyun.

      “Come to my warehouse. You remember where it is, right?” He can feel Jiwon’s sadistic smile. It sends a shiver down his spine.

      He doesn’t reply, hangs up the phone, and walks back into his home.

      He’s working on autopilot. Open the bread box. Grab his gun. Check the number of bullets. It’s full. Walk to the cutlery drawer. Grab a spare box of bullets, just in case. Tuck his gun into his waistband. Make sure Minho hasn’t woken up. He hasn’t.

      Slip on a hoodie, pull up the hood even though it isn’t raining, walk to the train.

      Try not to worry about Taehyun.

 

[play]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter has some violence, including broken bones and deep knife cuts so please read with caution !!


	6. .06

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [pause] instead of [rewind] cause it's taehyun's p.o.v i hope its not confusing ! it goes back to seungyoon in the next ch

[pause]

 

      Taehyun is playing dumb. He doesn’t know if he’s supposed to, doesn’t know if that’s what Seungyoon would have wanted, but it’s what he thinks will keep him safest in the moment. So he plays dumb.

      He says, “What is this? Who are you guys? Why did you take me?”

      He nods to a tall boy, says, “Aren’t you in my class? Can someone  _ please _ tell me what’s going on? What does Seungyoon have to do with this?” He would have pointed, but his arms and legs are tied to a chair. Not that he expected any less.

      He doesn’t pretend not to know Seungyoon. Seungyoon’s number is in his phone, the boy from his class has probably seen them together on campus, when Seungyoon comes to meet him for coffee. He’s playing dumb, but not  _ that _ dumb.

      The guy with his phone, the one the others have been calling  _ Jiwon, _ and  _ Boss, _ tells him to shut the fuck up. He does. He’s playing dumb, but this guy has a gun. Even if Seungyoon hadn’t told him about Jiwon, he would shut the fuck up when a guy with a gun told him to.

      The boy from his class walks up to him, a smirk uglying his handsome face. He says, “I’m Koo Junhwe, but you probably knew that already.”

      Taehyun, without thinking, says, “Actually, I didn’t. You never really caught my attention, sorry. Not my type.”

      The smirk wipes off Koo Junhwe’s face, and a glare replaces it.

     Behind him, an incredibly short boy with an incredibly cute face, laughs at him. Taehyun tries not to smile. Koo Junhwe tells the short boy to shut up. He laughs harder.

      Koo Junhwe turns back to Taehyun, says, “Fuck you,” and kicks him in the shin.

      He’s wearing steel-toed boots. It fucking hurts. Taehyun tries not to let the pain show on his face. He thinks it probably fails, though, he’s never been good with pain. When he was twelve, and sprained his ankle playing football, he cried for two hours.

      Jiwon,  _ Boss _ , drops Taehyun’s phone on a table. He asks, “Is Kang Seungyoon always that fucking weird on the phone?”

      Taehyun doesn’t reply, doesn’t know how.

      Koo Junhwe’s fist collides with his cheek. It Fucking Hurts. He can taste blood.

      Koo Junhwe says, “Jiwon asked you a question.”

      Taehyun spits blood on the floor, two inches away from Koo Junhwe’s precious steel-toed boots. He says, “Yes. He’s always that awkward.”

      Jiwon nods. Koo Junhwe nods. The unnamed, short but cute boy nods.

      The short, cute one is the one from the train, Taehyun realizes. He remembers the mole under his eye.

 

      His arm is bleeding. And his leg, and his face.

      They got bored, they said. They were bored, so the short cute boy from the train pulled out a switchblade and stuck it deep in Taehyun’s arm, and dragged it down. A cut, from shoulder to elbow, was deep and bleeding profusely. Taehyun didn’t dare to look at it.

      Koo Junhwe took the blade then, still dripping with Taehyun’s blood, and cut him exactly six times on his leg, in the same place he had kicked earlier. Taehyun thought his leg was probably broken. These wounds weren’t as deep, and weren’t bleeding as much. They still hurt the same, though. 

      Jiwon,  _ Boss, _ ever the sadist, went last. He drew a long line down Taehyun’s cheek, right underneath his cheek bone. It was barely deep, only enough to leave a scar. Only deep enough that everyone would know something had happened to him.

      Taehyun said nothing. He tried not to cry, because the salt of his tears would burn the cut on his cheek. He bit his lip until it bled, clenched his fists, and waited out the pain.

      Taehyun still says nothing. It’s been twenty five minutes, according to the sideways clock on the wall. He thinks his cheek has stopped bleeding. He thinks his leg is starting to stop too, maybe only three or four left to close. His arm is still going strong, though. He’s getting lightheaded. He digs his nails into his palm to keep himself awake.

 

      His leg has stopped bleeding. His arm is still bleeding, though, and his eyelids are beginning to droop. He digs his fingernails into his palm once again, but it doesn’t help much.

The door opens.

      He looks up, sees a blurry silhouette of Seungyoon, and closes his eyes and goes to sleep.

 

[play]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tht one small paragraph is past tense on purpose btw


	7. .07

[rewind]

 

      Seungyoon enters Jiwon’s warehouse. The first thing his eyes land on is Taehyun, cheek and leg and arm bloodied. 

      He sees the guy from the train, and Jiwon, and someone else he’s never seen before. He says, “Where’s Hanbin, then?” He walks to Taehyun’s slumped body, passed out from excessive blood loss, and pulls his belt off. He ties it around Taehyun’s still-bleeding arm. 

      Jiwon says, “Ah, Hanbin. We had to...do away with him. After Seunghoon, he started questioning me. And we couldn’t have that. You know how business is.”

      Seungyoon glares. “I would never kill one of my own.”

      “And that, my dearest, is the difference between you and I.” Jiwon smiles, and Seungyoon hates it.

      “God,” he says, “Whatever. Can I take him and go now?”

      Jiwon nods, turns away. “Do whatever you want.”

      He unties Taehyun’s legs, and then his arms. He picks the boy up, heaves him over his shoulder, and asks, “Why did you even do this?”

      He’s almost out the door when Jiwon replies, “Just for fun.”

      He hates it.

 

      He waits until he’s a block away from Jiwon’s warehouse before he pulls out his cellphone and calls his hospital contact.

      She picks up and, before she can say anything, he says, “Meet me where we usually do,” and hangs up.

      He’s only ten minutes away from the hospital, and he knows the back roads to take so he won’t be seen by anyone carrying a near-dead body.

      In the off-chance he is seen by someone, they probably won’t do anything. All the people around here are garbage people, they keep to themselves and don’t but into other people’s business. They are garbage people, but they are Seungyoon’s favourite type of people.

      There’s always the good samaritan though. The one who says,  _ ‘hey! What are you doing!’ _ The one you have to shoot, the one you read about in the paper. Those are the good people.

      Those are the worst people.

 

      He arrives at the hospital, forehead is beading with sweat. His hospital contact is waiting for him with a wheelchair. She sees the state of Taehyun, walks into the building, and returns with a gurney instead. She says, “He’ll have to be admitted. There’s more than I’ll be able to do on my own.”

      He lays Taehyun on the gurney. “Do whatever you have to,” he tells her. “His name is Nam Taehyun. He’s born on May 10th, 1994. That’s all I know.”

      He pats down Taehyun’s pockets for his phone. It’s not there. He whispers,  _ “Fuck.” _

      His contact says, “He’s being admitted. You can’t come with us. I’ll call you when he’s done. Go home.”

 

      He goes home.

      He stops on the way to get an overpriced hot dog, and finishes it in two minutes. 

 

      He goes home, and he waits. Seconds feel like minutes; Minutes feel like hours; Hours feel like days. 

      Three hours and forty-six minutes later, his contact calls him.

      He’s home alone, and he picks up right away.

      She says, “I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. I couldn’t sneak away.”

      “I don’t care.”

      She says, “He’s okay. He lost a lot of blood, and he’s dehydrated, and his leg is broken, but he’s alright. There shouldn’t be any lasting physical injuries, just a few scars. He’s asleep now, so he can’t talk to you, but I’ll call you again when he wakes up.”

      He says, “Thank you.” 

      He hangs up.

      He goes to sleep.

 

      At 6:14 the next morning, his phone rings. He’s not alone anymore, Jinwoo is sleeping next to him, so he takes the call outside. He says, “What happened?”

      His contact tells him, “He woke up. The doc asked what happened, and he said he’s a klutz and fell down while making dinner. Your friend is a pretty good liar, you taught him well.

      “Anyway, he’ll be fine. He’s being kept today but as long as nothing goes bad he’ll be out by eight tomorrow morning.”

      Seungyoon breathes out. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath. He says, “Thank you.” 

      She hangs up.

      He walks to Jiwon’s warehouse.

 

[play]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of jiwon and jinhwan's characters !! goodbye Funkos


	8. .08

[rewind]

 

      The tall boy, the one he didn’t know, is the only one in the warehouse.

      Seungyoon says, “So who are you, then? You’re the only one I haven’t met yet.”

      “You’ve met Jinhwan?”

      Seungyoon nods. “He shot me in the shoulder.”

      “Ah,” the tall boy replies. “Well. You haven’t met me, but I’ve seen you. I go to school with Taehyun. Koo Junhwe, at your service.” He finishes with a cocky smile. Seungyoon hates it. Seungyoon hates him.

      “Never heard of you,” he replies. The smile falls off Junhwe’s face.

      “Why are you even fucking here.” It’s not a question, it’s said with a snarl.

      Seungyoon walks towards a table in the corner of the room closest to Junhwe, a plastic table that he imagines would be set up at a staff barbecue. He’s not sure, he’s never had a real job. He says, “I’m looking for Taehyun’s phone.”

      Junhwe pushes him away from the table, says, “Jiwon has it. Sorry, no being the saviour today.”

      He shrugs, “Whatever.”

      Junhwe glares. “How did you lie to Taehyun like that? So much? How could you manage it?”

      Seungyoon looks (up) at Junhwe after that. Looks at his face, sees the confusion and something else, something he doesn’t know and doesn’t understand. He says, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

      “I’m talking about how Taehyun has no fucking idea what you do. He didn’t know who Jiwon was.He didn’t know anything. He only knew me. How do you see him so often and keep him in the dark? He’s always talking about the shit we do in class, and he has no idea that half of it is from you and Minho?”

      Seungyoon doesn’t reply, and when he does, he says, “You know Minho?”

      Junhwe curses loudly. He follows it with, “I don’t have what you want, just get the fuck out of here, okay? Before Jiwon gets back. I don’t want to have to clean up any mess you two might make. Fuck.”

      He nods, walks back towards the door, and says, “Tell Jiwon I want Taehyun’s phone back.”

      “I’m not telling Jiwon shit,” Junhwe replies, “He’s not gonna know you were here. Go away, you’re such a pest.”

 

      On his walk home, without Taehyun’s phone in his hand, Seungyoon thinks.

      He thinks,  _ Taehyun is smart. _

      He thinks,  _ Taehyun is a good liar. _

      He thinks,  _ Taehyun is willing to lie for me. _

      He thinks,  _ Or, at least, Taehyun is willing to lie  _ about _ me to keep himself safe. Which is basically the same thing. _

 

      He thinks the things he’s been dreading thinking.

      He thinks,  _ Taehyun is nice. _

      He thinks,  _ Taehyun is easy to talk to, _ and he thinks,  _ Taehyun is fun to spend time with. _

      He thinks,  _ Taehyun makes me laugh. _

      He thinks,  _ I care about Taehyun more than I have cared about someone in eleven years. _

 

      He thinks the things he’s known all along.

      He thinks,  _ I think I am in love with Nam Taehyun. _

      He thinks,  _ I am so fucked. _

 

      He smokes a cigarette.

 

[play]


	9. .09

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end of the Super Fucking Short chapters

[rewind]

 

      He’s in an alleyway, $165 in his pocket where a baggie of ecstasy used to be, when he gets a call from an unknown number, and answers it hesitantly. 

      “Did I do well?”

      Taehyun’s voice is rough, sleep riddled and scratchy from the tube that was probably down his throat as he slept. He sounds tired, so tired, body craving rest to heal from all the new injuries. He sounds awful, but he’s alive and he’s talking and he’s Taehyun and suddenly, Seungyoon is crying and he doesn’t know why.

      (Yes he does, but if he admits it he’ll get attached and he already told Taehyun he  _ can’t _ get attached, so he pretends he doesn’t know).

      He takes a deep breath, hopes it doesn’t waver. “You did great, Taehyun.”

      Taehyun lets out a breathy laugh, and Seungyoon smiles. He tells himself,  _ Don’t get attached, Don’t get attached, Don’t get attached. _

      He tells himself,  _ Fuck off. _

      Taehyun says, “I lied. I figured it was what you would have wanted, so I played dumb and I lied and I think it worked.”

      Seungyoon nods. Taehyun can’t see it, and he knows that, but he nods anyway, and he says, “It worked. Thank you. You did so well, Taehyun.” Tears well up in his eyes again and he curses himself.

      “They’re letting me leave tomorrow.”

      “I know.”

      “Will you pick me up?”

      Seungyoon smiles, “You know I can’t drive, right?”

      “I know. Just walk me home. Please?”

      “Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

      “Okay.”

      “Okay. Sleep now, you need to rest to get better.”

      Taehyun giggles, and then coughs, and says, “Alright. Goodnight, Seungyoon.”

 

      Seungyoon arrives at home, sees Jinwoo and throws $125 at him. “I can keep the last $40 again, right?”

      Jinwoo shrugs, so Seungyoon takes it as a yes and shoves it in his wallet.

      Jinwoo says, “Why don’t you use it to buy yourself a new wallet? Your’s is falling apart at the seams, it’s embarrassing.”

      Seungyoon glares. “How is my wallet embarrassing. We’re homeless, living illegally in a building that’s falling apart. Three guys sleeping on two bare mattresses on the floor, what the fuck. My wallet is fine.”

      Jinwoo raises an eyebrow. “Touchy.”

      “Whatever.” He lets out a breath, kicks off his shoes and throws his coat on top. “I’m going to sleep for a bit.”

 

      He wakes up at what he thinks is around 2 in the morning.

      Minho is home, and Jinwoo is home, and it’s scary because the three of them are never home at the same time. He feels like someone should leave. He feels like it should be him.

      He pretends he’s still asleep so Minho won’t make him leave.

      “He’s never home,” Jinwoo says. Seungyoon listens in.

      “Nobody is ever home,” Minho replies.

      Jinwoo sighs, paces around their small room. “No but...something is different with him. Can’t you feel it? I don’t know what it is. He’s distant, and he’s always busy but he doesn’t talk about what he’s busy with. He’s just different. He got pissed at me today when I said his wallet was falling apart.”

      Seungyoon’s stomach lurches. They’re talking about him.

      Minho says, “Whatever. Who cares. Maybe he’s just changing. We all do it.”

      Jinwoo sighs. Shakes his head. Sits on the couch with the shitty cushions.

      Seungyoon says, “My mom gave me this wallet. And I’m fine.”

      He goes back to sleep.

 

      Seungyoon leaves the hospital, Taehyun by his side, at 11:38 exactly.

      Seungyoon arrives at Taehyun’s apartment, Taehyun by his side, at 12:16 exactly.

      Memories of the last time he was in this room fill his brain. He asks, “Do you remember the last time I was here?”

      Taehyun’s reply is soft. “Of course I do. It was only, like, three days ago.”

      He’s silent for a moment before he says, “Do you remember what I told you?”

      “I do.”

      He watches as Taehyun lays down on his bed, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. Seungyoon pours a glass of water and asks, “Can I take it back?”

      Taehyun looks at him, watches him place the glass of water and some pills on a table beside the bed but doesn’t drink it. He says, “Which part.”

      Seungyoon sits on the floor, back leaning against the table. “The part where I said I couldn’t do it.”

      “Why.”

      He sighs. Rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes, keeps his eyes closed. “I said I couldn’t get attached, because it always ends bad. But I’m already attached and you’re already hurt because of me, so I haven’t been doing a very good job.”

      “How about,” Taehyun says, “Instead of taking it back, we do it over. Without the sadness and without the saying you can’t do it. Let’s do it over.”

      Seungyoon opens his eyes. Taehyun is looking at him, eyes sparkling, and he wants to cry as he whispers, “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. Again.”

      Taehyun drops a hand down to him, cupping his cheek. It feels so typical, so normal and so cheesy and so  _ not him. _ He loves it.

      Taehyun says, “I don’t care.”

      Taehyun says, “I really, really like you, Seungyoon.”

      Seungyoon takes a deep breath. 

      He says, “I really, really like you too, Taehyun.”

      He says, “Can I please kiss you?”

      Taehyun nods.

 

      He’s straddling Taehyun.

      They’re both fully clothed, but Taehyun’s hands are under his shirt, roaming his abdomen, tracing his scars.

      Taehyun’s lips are puffy and bruised. The cut on his cheek has reopened and bled through the gauze. He told Seungyoon to ignore it, so he does. 

      Taehyun looks a mess.

      Taehyun looks beautiful.

      He kisses Taehyun. Pulls away. Says, “It’s the middle of the day.”

      Taehyun raises a tightly bandaged arm. Seungyoon imagines all the stitches under the dressings. Taehyun pushes Seungyoon’s bangs out of his face.

      “So what?”

      “I dunno.”

      He kisses Taehyun again, from his mouth down to his neck and stays there.

      He ruts against Taehyun. He feels like a highschooler. Taehyun moans. He still feels like a highschooler, but it’s a good feeling so he doesn’t mind.

 

      Taehyun’s leg is in a cast. He doesn’t want to hurt Taehyun any more than he’s already been.

      He says, “We should stop.”

      Taehyun turns his head, looks at Seungyoon. “What the fuck.” It’s not a question.

      “It’s not the same as last time,” he says, “I promise. I just. I don’t want to hurt you.” He rolls off Taehyun, laying on the arm that isn’t wrapped in bandages. He says, “I know it’s probably annoying, but  _ God. _ You just look so fragile. I don’t want you to be hurting.”

      Taehyun smiles. He says, “I’m a big boy, Seungyoon. I’ll be fine.”

      Seungyoon looks at the bloodied gauze on his cheek. He looks at the arm wrapped in bandages, and the full glass of water sitting next to the pain pills Taehyun never took.

      Taehyun says, “If you really want to, we can stop. If it’ll make you feel better.”

      “It will.”

      Taehyun nods, kisses Seungyoon lightly. “I’m going to take a nap, then. No offense or anything, but I’m tired as shit.”

      Seungyoon laughs. “No offense taken. Please take your pills at least, though. And let me replace the gauze on your face.” He rolls off the bed before Taehyun can argue, walking to Taehyun’s small bathroom and quickly finding gauze and tape.

      Taehyun says, “You’re like a worried boyfriend.” Seungyoon freezes, bent over looking for scissors. Taehyun continues, “I like it, though.”

      Seungyoon peeks his head out, “You do?” He spots a pair of scissors on top of Taehyun’s armoire, and walks to it, using them to cut a piece of gauze he thinks will be right for Taehyun’s cheek. 

      Taehyun watches him, smiles, and says, “I really do.”

      Seungyoon feels a matching smile form on his face. He gently pulls the bloodied gauze off Taehyun’s cheek, revealing the wound.

      He says, “Is it okay if I clean this? It’ll sting.”

      Taehyun replies, “You were supposed to ask me out just then. Ask me to be your boyfriend. That’s what you were supposed to say, not ask about my stupid cheek.”

      Seungyoon blushes. He says, “Really though, can I clean it?” He only says it to get a reaction out of Taehyun. It works, and it makes him laugh.

      “If you don’t ask, I’m going to have to,” Taehyun says, voice threatening but with a smile on his face.

      “Better do it quick.”

      Taehyun laughs, “Hey, Seungyoon. Wanna go out with me?”

      Seungyoon shrugs, “Sure.”

      Taehyun punches him in the arm. “Asshole! You should sound more enthusiastic! You have to kiss me now, to make up for being an asshole.”

      “I’ll kiss you after you let me fix your fuckin’ cheek.”

      Taehyun crosses his arms across his chest, pouts, but doesn’t argue. 

      Seungyoon lightly dabs Taehyun’s cheek with some peroxide, and pretends he doesn’t see the tear in the corner of Taehyun’s eye at the end of it. He covers the wound in polysporin, replaces the gauze, and returns the supplies to Taehyun’s bathroom.

 

      He says, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

      He says, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

      He kisses Taehyun, and Taehyun puts his hands on Seungyoon’s cheeks, trying to pull him closer. He can’t get any closer, not in the position he’s in standing beside the bed, but he likes the feeling of Taehyun’s hands on him.

      Taehyun pulls away, says, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

      It is his fault, because if he had never become friends with Taehyun then Jiwon wouldn’t have hurt Taehyun at all. But, he knows Taehyun won’t listen, so he just nods. Nods, and crawls over Taehyun and lays beside him in his double bed that isn’t just a mattress on the floor.

      Taehyun rolls on his side, facing Seungyoon. Seungyoon watches as Taehyun lifts his hand, up to a scar Seungyoon had all but forgotten about, on his hairline, covered by his bangs.

      Taehyun asks, “What is this from?”

      Seungyoon says, “You should nap. I’ll tell you another time.”

 

[play]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i stopped tht one scene where it was bc im super fuckin asexual n i was grossing myself out lmao


	10. .10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> penultimate chapter !!! it feels so short and rushed right ?? thts cause it is lol im not good @ writing

[rewind]

 

      It’s been a week. Seungyoon and Taehyun have been dating for a week.

      Seungyoon is at Taehyun’s apartment. He’s always at Taehyun’s apartment; it’s more welcoming, and more comfortable, and he likes Taehyun more than he likes Jinwoo and Minho. He thinks that’s probably not a good thing, Jinwoo and Minho have been like his family for the past few years and he’s only known Taehyun for a little over a month. He pretends he doesn’t care.

      Taehyun has stopped putting gauze on his cheek. It’s probably a good thing, Seungyoon would do the same, but it’s so disheartening to see the huge cut on Taehyun’s cheek, being kept closed with steri-strips, and knowing he’s the cause of it.

      Taehyun says, “Hey. Stop feeling bad for me.”

      He smiles. “Sorry.”

      “You never told me about this scar, you know,” Taehyun says, raising his hand to trace the scar on Seungyoon’s hairline.

      “I don’t want to.”

      Taehyun raises an eyebrow. “Why?”

      “It’s stupid.” He breathes in, breathes out, does it again. “It’s just. It was from my dad.”

      “Okay. You don’t have to say anything else.”

      Taehyun rolls onto Seungyoon’s chest, and Seungyoon wraps his arms around him. He says, “Thank you.”

      Taehyun places a kiss on his jaw. He doesn’t need to say anything, they both know he doesn’t.

      Seungyoon thinks he’s never been happier.

      It’s terrifying.

 

      He returns home every day, to get clothes and stuff, but usually nobody is home.

      Thursday, however, Jinwoo is home.

      Jinwoo is home, and he says, “Where the fuck have you been?”

      The other night, Jinwoo had said he’s being cagey, so he decides it’s best if he’s honest. Seungyoon tells him, “Taehyun’s.” Jinwoo isn’t dangerous. He’s just paranoid, sometimes.

      “You’ve been at Taehyun’s. All week?”

      He shrugs, “I come home every day. Nobody’s ever here though.”

      “God,” Jinwoo says, “Whatever. I have a job for you. I need it done tonight.”

      He nods. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t want to do it, doesn’t know what it is that makes him feel bad. This is his job, it has been his job for years. He hates it. He’s going to do it anyway.

  
  


      At 1:15, Friday morning, Seungyoon takes a train.

      It all started on a train.

      There’s a bit of blood splatter on the corner of his shirt.

      He feels sick.

 

      When he arrives home, Jinwoo sees his face and says, “Being friends with that kid has made you weak.”

      “Fuck you. What do you know.” He regrets it as soon as he says it.

      A fist hits his cheek. It hurts. He doesn’t move.

      Jinwoo says, “God.”

      Seungyoon says, “I’m going to bed.”

 

      He wakes up at 8, doesn’t say hello to Minho who is sitting on the couch sipping coffee, and goes to Taehyun’s apartment.

 

      When Taehyun opens the door, standing on one leg with crutches holding him up and a mug of coffee abandoned on his table, Seungyoon feels like crying. It’s him, and people like him, who make this happen. And they kill people, and they ruin people’s lives with drugs, and they tear families apart, and Seungyoon feels awful.

      He doesn’t tell Taehyun this. He doesn’t tell Taehyun what he did, either.

      Instead, he walks inside, follows Taehyun to where he was sitting on the couch, and watches what Taehyun was watching on the TV.

      Taehyun takes a sip of his coffee.

      Seungyoon watches as the weather forecast tells him to prepare for a week of clouds and rain.

      The news anchor appears on the screen. His hair is greying, and he has a pair of ugly glasses perched on his nose. He says, “In other breaking news, a body has been found on the streets of Seoul.”

      Seungyoon listens as the man tells him the person was found at 5 that morning, with a gunshot to the head and a wallet emptied of all money. He listens as they explain the victim was probably killed around midnight (they’re an hour off), and that it fits the m.o of several other recent killings, which the police are convinced are being done by a single person, rather than a gang (they’re not wrong, but they’re not right either).

      Seungyoon says, “It was me.”

      Seungyoon says, “Sorry. I wasn’t going to tell you, because when you know it can be bad if I get caught. But I won’t get caught. But still, sorry.”

      Taehyun says, “It’s okay. I thought it was probably you anyway. You looked different, today.”

      He watches the tv screen as it plays an advertisement for some new car. He asks, “Are you upset with me?”

      Taehyun shakes his head. He grabs Seungyoon’s hand, holds it tightly. Seungyoon loves it.

      “I already knew what you did,” Taehyun says, “It doesn’t matter to me. You matter to me, Seungyoon.”

      Seungyoon smiles. He says, “That was cheesy.”

      Taehyun laughs, says, “Fuck you,” and then says, “Take me out somewhere. Like for breakfast.”

      Seungyoon nods, stands up. He says, “That sounds fair.”

      He reaches a hand out to Taehyun, who accepts and uses Seungyoon’s strength to pull himself up so he’s standing on his good foot. Seungyoon grabs his crutches from where they were leaning up against the couch, and the two of them leave Taehyun’s apartment.

 

      They quickly find Taehyun’s favourite diner, one they’ve been to many times before Taehyun was injured. The boy boasts about the diner’s pancakes, says they’re the best in Seoul, and Seungyoon has to agree. They’re pretty good pancakes.

      The two of them are sitting in a booth next to the window, enjoying the feeling of the morning sun on their faces.

      They’re waiting for their food to arrive, when Taehyun points out the window, behind Seungyoon, and says, “Is that Minho-hyung?”

      Seungyoon turns around, looking where Taehyun is pointing. Minho is walking, head down to the ground and a cigarette in his mouth.

      He says, “It is Minho. I wonder what he’s doing.”

      He doesn’t go out to ask him, though. He doesn’t really want to talk to Minho, he doesn’t want Minho to see him out with Taehyun and overreact. Minho is dangerous.

Luck doesn’t appear to be on his side, though, because Minho lifts his head. Locks eyes with Seungyoon.

      He doesn’t enter the diner, he looks away and keeps walking as if he hadn’t seen anything.

      Seungyoon says, “What the fuck.”

 

      With fully bellies, Seungyoon and Taehyun walk back to Taehyun’s apartment. Taehyun says, “You don’t have to answer this, if you don’t want to. But, uh, how did you...get into what you do now?”

      They turn down a small alleyway, a shortcut to the apartment they had discovered on the way there. Seungyoon says, “A long time ago, when Jinwoo had first joined, he and Seunghoon-hyung and someone I never got the chance to meet, they. Uh. They helped, I guess, with my dad. He’s not here anymore, so. Anyway, after that, they kept tabs on my mum and I. I don’t know why; we don’t do it anymore. I think it was something Seunghoon wanted. But then, a few years later, my mum died too-”

      “What?” Taehyun interrupts, “Your mom is dead?”

      He nods, “Yeah. I lied about it to you, however long ago. At that cafe. I just needed to get out, the barista was listening to us.”

      “I’m sorry.”

      “It’s okay.” He smiles. “Anyway, after that, Seunghoon took me in. And that’s it.”

      Behind them, a voice asks, “Is there any way out?”

      They stop, Seungyoon turns around and sees Koo Junhwe, eyebrows furrowed and eyes sad.

      He says, “With Jiwon, you’re fucked.”

      Taehyun says, “I’m sorry.”

      Koo Junhwe says, “No, no, I’m sorry. For your leg, and for everything else. I’m really sorry.”

      They walk away, into Taehyun’s apartment building, into the elevator and then out of the elevator and then to Taehyun’s front door. It’s silent.

      The door is cracked open, just a bit.

      Taehyun says, “I’m sure I locked it before we left.”

      Seungyoon says, “I’m sure you did too. Let me go first.”

      Nothing is changed. Nothing is stolen. There’s nobody hiding in the small bathroom, or anywhere else in Taehyun’s one-room apartment. 

      He says, “It’s fine. I think it was Minho.”

      Taehyun makes his way in, takes off his shoes and sits down on his bed. He says, “How does Minho-hyung even know where I live?”

      “Minho has a habit of finding out every single thing he wants to know,” Seungyoon replies. “We should leave. And not come back, not here, not for a while.”

      “What?”

      He looks at Taehyun. He says, “I’m sorry. I know it’s scary, and it fucking sucks, and you’re  _ hurt _ and you can barely walk. But he was looking for you. So we have to leave, because he’s looking for you and he wants me to know that he’ll be back.”

      Taehyun nods. “Okay,” he says, “Okay, then we should go. Let’s go.”

 

      They leave.

      They leave, don’t take anything, and take four different trains until they’re on the other side of Seoul. It’s not far enough, Seungyoon wants to go to the countryside, but Taehyun is hurt and even if he doesn’t say it, Seungyoon knows he’s tired. And Seungyoon knows Taehyun doesn’t want to go that far. Taehyun has never had to leave his old life before. So they go to the other side of Seoul, and they sit down on an empty bench in an empty park, and Seungyoon says, “You’re handling all of this really well.”

      Taehyun laughs, rests his head on Seungyoon’s shoulder, and says, “Thanks.”

      “You should sleep, for a little bit.”

      “Yeah?”

      Seungyoon nods, “Yeah.”

      Taehyun slides down, moving his head from Seungyoon’s shoulder into his lap. He says, “I’m going to, then. Don’t move, you’re a comfortable pillow.”

      He smiles, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

      Seungyoon wakes up confused.

      Taehyun says, “Good morning, sleepyhead!” With a laugh and a small kiss to the cheek.

      Seungyoon says, “I didn’t even know I fell asleep.”

      “It’s okay. You needed the rest just as much as I did, probably.”

      He nods, rubs his eyes. He asks, “What time is it?”

      “It’s 8:30 pm.”

      “God, we got here at like 2. We slept the whole day away.”

      Taehyun nods. “It’s fine. Let’s just go eat something, I’m starving.”

      Seungyoon agrees, and he stands up and Taehyun stands up and they walk away from the empty bench in the empty park. 

      The sky is dark above them, full of stars and a sliver of the moon.

      Taehyun says, “You know, it kinda sucks that I had to leave everything behind.”

      “I know,” Seungyoon replies, “I’m sorry.”

      “I wasn’t finished. It kinda sucks, but I sort of don’t mind. I like being with you, even if we’re just napping on a hard park bench. Is that lame?”

      Seungyoon smiles. “It’s lame as hell. But it’s okay. I like being with you, too.”

      “Okay,” Taehyun says, and stops walking. “Can I kiss you now?”

      Seungyoon stops, laughs, says, “Yes.”

      Taehyun kisses him.

      Taehyun is kissing him, and there are stars in the sky and a sliver of the moon, and they’re away from Minho and Jinwoo, and even though Taehyun is hurt and even though Taehyun had to leave everything behind, he likes being with Seungyoon. Taehyun is kissing him, and Seungyoon thinks everything is perfect.

 

      They eat at a small family restaurant, one where they won’t be looked at funny with Taehyun’s injuries and Seungyoon’s ragged clothing. They eat, and when they leave the restaurant, it’s raining.

      Taehyun says, “I can’t get my cast wet.”

      It’s raining really hard.

      Seungyoon says, “Fuck.”

      He spots a parkade a block down. He says, “Let’s wait the rain out in there.”

      Taehyun nods, and they walk as quickly as they can to the three-storey parkade, breathing a sigh of relief when they can no longer feel the raindrops hitting their heads.

      He looks at Taehyun, hair dripping wet from the downpour they just walked through, and thinks he’s kind of beautiful.

      Taehyun asks what he’s staring at. He doesn’t reply. He doesn’t know how to reply without sounding like someone he’s not. He doesn’t know how to reply without gushing out all of his feelings, and he doesn’t know how to gush out all of his feelings because he doesn’t know what all of his feelings are. So he just doesn’t reply.

      Instead, he says, “We should sit down, or something.” And walks towards the wall in the centre, furthest away from the rain and from the cold.

      He pulls off his sweater, lays it on the ground, and helps Taehyun to sit down.

      When the two of them are sitting, arms wrapped around each other to conserve heat and also just because they can, Taehyun says, “My hair’s all wet, God.”

      A drop of water rolls down his jaw. Seungyoon watches it. He says, “I like it.”

      Taehyun raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

      Seungyoon looks at him in the eyes. “Yeah, I do.”

      Taehyun smiles. Another drop of water rolls down his face. Seungyoon says, “Can I kiss you?”

      “Yes.”

      They kiss. Taehyun pulls Seungyoon’s arm, coaxing him over until his knees hug Taehyun’s hips. Taehyun raises a bandaged arm, his hand on Seungyoon’s jaw and the other arm slung loosely around Seungyoon’s neck.

      Not the for the first time, Seungyoon thinks,  _ I am in love with Nam Taehyun. _

      Taehyun bites his bottom lip. It feels perfect.

 

      Perfect is a dangerous word.

 

[play]


	11. .11

[play]

 

      “Do you think there’s a vending machine in the stairwell?” Taehyun asks, “I’m starving.”

      “It doesn’t hurt to look.” He stands up, helps Taehyun up, and says, “Lead the way!”

      They only make it three steps before he hears a gunshot. It rings in the air, and he’s frozen in place. Seungyoon didn’t shoot it, he knows he didn’t because he had never even taken his gun out of where it was hidden in the waistband of his jeans. 

      But, there was a gunshot, and he knows it came from somewhere behind him.

 

      He watches, watches and doesn’t move as blood trickles out of Taehyun’s abdomen.

      He watches as Taehyun clamps his hands over the wound, a vain attempt to stop the bleeding. They both know it won’t do anything; the bullet probably hit his kidney, Minho has always been a great shot.

 

      His mouth opens, closes, opens again and stays that way. He can’t make sounds come out, why won’t his voice work?

      Taehyun says, “don’t call the cops.” He falls to his knees. The cast on his leg cracks. He spits some blood on the ground and says, “or an ambulance. We both know they won’t be able to do anything.”

      He hears Minho running away behind him, and does nothing to stop him. His legs feel like jelly as he finally forces them to move, walking his body the two steps he needs to be next to Taehyun. He drops to his knees beside the boy, and takes his head in his hands.

      Taehyun’s face is pale. He knows that, in a few minutes, Taehyun will be gone. Dead.

      He presses his lips to Taehyun’s. They taste like blood, coppery and salty, but he doesn’t mind.

      He pulls away, presses his forehead to Taehyun’s, and says, “please don’t leave me, Taehyun.”

      Taehyun smiles, voice soft as he replies, “I’m sorry.”

      He feels tears well up in his eyes, and mentally curses himself. “I love you,” he says, kissing Taehyun again. “I love you, I love you.”

      Taehyun raises a hand to his cheek, wiping a tear away and leaving a trail of blood as he does it. Seungyoon doesn’t mind.

      “I’m sorry.”

 

      He watches, watches as Taehyun’s eyes slowly close. 

      Watches as the life leaves his body, and Taehyun’s arm falls into Seungyoon’s lap, and Taehyun’s head falls to Seungyoon’s shoulder. 

      Seungyoon holds Taehyun’s wrist, feels how his pulse races, and then stops altogether.

      Seungyoon feels Taehyun exhale his last breath onto his neck.

 

      And then, he stands up. He stands up, and he leaves Taehyun, the boy he loves and the boy who got hurt because of him and the boy who got killed because of him. He leaves Taehyun to be found by the cops.

      He leaves, wipes a stray tear off his cheek, and doesn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading this !!!! im sorry its not very good lol and also im sorry for killing taehyun . anyway fun fact i actually wrote this paragraph First and then wrote everything else afterwards so i wrote ch11 first and then 1-10 in order !! and like,, not to be That Bitch but even tho this fic isnt v good u should leave kudos it makes me feel gud lol  
> also junhwe's character is dead too like in my head ,, i couldnt figure out how to add it to the story but basically in my head fuckin he goes to jiwon to be like I Want Out and jiwon just kills him . cause like he killed hanbin for the same exact reason so ,, yeah  
> LMAO SO the day i decide to Actually Post This i find out taehyun unfollowed the rest of winner on ig i want to die . ot5 is fucking dead and i want to cry


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